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Friday, September 19, 2014

Enjoy being myself

19th September 2014, Friday

Yay!! End of the week again.

Friday, September 5, 2014

人海茫茫

5th September 2014, Friday

人海茫茫, 到底哪一位才是适合我的呢?
在路上看到
一些正要成为情侣的
一些正在发展的
一些未完成的
一些连发生都不可能的
一些单方面喜欢的

主动各式各样的

现在坐在两层巴士的我

从上面看的一清二楚

从而有所感发 而写下了这post.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Going out with friends

4th September 2014, Thursday

Had a good catch up with my girlfriend over dinner yesterday. We had dinner at Eighteen chefs, at The Cathay. Then followed by coffee at Kith's cafe.

She laments I'm brave to actually go out with guy friend one to one. Im like, why leh? Is it weird? Im also a little worried. All along to me, I thought its fine. But until she mention, then I realised indeed it is probably different.

Dont think too much is the advise and I am strongly abiding by it. Haha.

I'm just occupying myself up with activities to keep myself busy and fray away from those thoughts.

Looking forward to my guitar lesson soooon!!! ♥

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Natas fair 2014

30th August 2014, Saturday

Went to the Natas fair today with Ting. Morning when I woke up, I received a message from Dong yue that I have free tickets to the fair! Pleasant surprise.

So here we are, and in the end Ting bought the beijing package from Konsortium! But their package really sounds reasonable to go with.

Sigh. Recently I have quite a bit of stuff to worry. Taiwan trip, my mum hasnt confirm with me if she is going, thus I cant book the taiwan day tour. Redang trip is called off, cos my dad doesn't want to travel 9 hours on the bus. Unless I head over with my mum, but I am going to take 8 days of unpaid leave for my taiwan trip in october. So I dont feel comfortable taking an additional day in September unless necessary. Plus in November I feel like buying my dad a montigo batam weekend trip on his birthday.

Studies studies studies! Luckily I have quite a few kakis who are going to study together with me.

Fall here, fall there, fall everywhere. So hard when the other party doesn't fall for you. 有就有吧。我不想再去这么执着。

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

August is ending soon

27th August 2014, Wednesday

So fast, its the last week of august. One week one week just passed like that.

First half of the year, I was still in hokiday phase. But now I think I found my pace. The quickened pace. I'm busily filling up my dates with schedules. Everyday passed so so fast; by the time I know it, I am always sleeping soundly at home, awaiting tomorrow.

I still need to sign up for ACCA exams.
I still need to open another saving account to save money.
I still need to study for my exams.
I still need to prep my body to the fullest so it can tahan whats about to come next.

I wanna buy a Longchamp document bag.
Geez.

Its always better to keep my schedules packed.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Recent things I come across.

Ideal one

23th August 2014, Saturday

Chat chat chat
Laugh laugh laugh
Eat eat eat
Watch watch watch

I haven't been like this for quite some time. Really enjoyed the night out.

With a friend that I am so comfortably with. With a friend I don't even need prompting. Was such a good catch up. Hahahahahahahaha.

Comfortability has so many different forms. I was so surprised when u asked for catch up because you are the legendarily damn busy one. Hahahaha.

Don't compare me to yourself cos you are the more busy one, not me! Hahahaha!!!

So cute. Why you can make me miss you so much!!! Im gonna start counting down to the next time we are meeting again. Lol.

Friday, August 22, 2014

自己要知道自己要的是什么

22th August 2014, Friday

突然觉得我们如果不知道自己要什么是件可怕的事。因为不太了解自己, 而会害了周边的人。

得先从了解自己开始。

我不喜欢谈过去 但我会从中学习 面对未来 我也不会老是想着过去 因为都是对未来没用 时间都在跟我们赛跑着 要做的事情实在太多了。

事情告一段落 祝你幸福 。

Monday, August 18, 2014

Whatever he said - 2014

18th August 2014, Monday

I'll be outfront about it. Im not happy about the CPF scheme. Why do you have to control our CPF? Because we don't have the pension scheme? Why dont you, let US select the number of years we can get to cash out the money?

Hello, talking about how 'perfect' the scheme seems to be. What, u may choose to mortgage yout house if you don't have enough money to pay the minimum sum? What kind of nonsense is that. Have you mentioned about en block scheme?

We purchased our flats with 99 years lease, but only to be informed for en block when the flat is probably at 40 years old? Then u want us to change flats with the current flat market price. That said, u want us to keep on paying for our flats for our whole life. Its just that simple theory.

Whats that 99 years for . When we are gonna purchase flats, u may as well say that this flat that you are gonna purchase is only for 40 years, after that subject to en block and u will have to pay more for another flat 40 years later.

Wait for the election next year. You get it.

什么年少时候。那是几时年代的歌曲了。那个年代才有创意, 我们这个年代的创意都给你灭了。这个年代应该是哼林俊杰还是孙燕姿还是tanya的好不好。你哼那我们小时候的歌曲有个屁用, 那是你年代的, 当你在30 初来岁的时候常听到的, 我们呢? 都还不到10岁的时候。 干屁啊。Generation gap.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

I have really very very nice ex-colleagues

24th July 2014, Thursday

Omg I missed my ex colleagues at Seagate. Really missed them, especially my team colleague Esther. And my manager Jason.

Esther msged me yesterday to hear from me how I was doing.

I nearly teared. Omg missed her so much.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Anyhow scribbles - Taiwanese drama remake - Korean Version Fated to love you

17th July 2014, Thursday

Was watching this drama, when I realised that I could understand 100% of this part! Decided to write down. Am sure everyone will understand this part as well. 



달팽이 먹어야 되는데….
미영씨 그림 많이 좋은데요
근대 이거 누구요
우리 아기요 이렇게 이쁘게 컸으면 좋겠어요
요기 옆에 엄마랑 아빠가 있으면 좋았을텐데
지금이라도 그릴까요
아니요 어차피 같이 있지도 못할텐데 뭐하러요
미안해요 내가 쓸땐 없는 소리를 ..
미안. 아무래도 말을 해야 겠어요.
괜히 봐서 신경써서 미치겠거든요
사실 봤어요 이혼 합의서지 뭔지 이상한 합의서를
그게 말이 돼요? 결혼하지마자 이혼합하는 사람
미영씨 남편 뭘지 문제있는 사람아니에요?
사람이 나빠서 그런거 아니예요 그런 이유가 있어서요
아휴 새상 그런 이유가 어딨어요 있어서도 되는거고
신부님 화내지 마세요
갑짝스러워서 놀랐긴했는데

그사람 그러는거 이해돼요
사랑하던 사람도 있는데
저때문에 모든게 물거품이 되버렸으니까
그럼 애기 어떻하고요
그래도 계속 생각중이에요
제가 기우고 싶은데
혹시라도 내가 너무 부족한엄마라는거 모르고 욕심되는거 아닌가 무섭기도 하고요
무섭기는요
미영씨는 아기는 아기는 그림은 그림
내가 그림을 보는게 아니라 사람 보는게도 알아요.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Internal audit or tax?

12th July 2014, Saturday

Next career move. Tax or internal audit?

I realised one thing. I can't study anymore. 读不下去了。

No matter how much effort I made, I just lost the interest for it. Its not coming back anymore.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

I nearly lost my phone today

2th July 2014, Wednesday

I left my phone in the taxi today. Felt so blank. But a fellow company colleague picked it up for me.

Oh man. I am so thankful. And towards my company too. Everyone is generally very nice.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Optimistic thinking and positive thinking

28th June 2014, Saturday

Optimistic thinking tends to focus on the idea that everything will work out.

Positive thinking acknowledges that problems can occur and that everything won't automatically work out. But embraces possibilities and look for solutions without the assumption that everything will automatically work out.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Second day: Chengdu 成都 -> Nyingchi 林芝

6th June 2014, Friday

Oh man. We didn't have much sleep. The musical ended late yesterday. Around 9:40 and we gotta pack our bags to prepare for the next day.

We had to wake up around 4pm. Our morning flight to Nyingchi was 7 and we had to reach the airport by 6 plus.

2 consecutive nights of not sleeping well, I was feeling very lethargic. Weather was very good so far. Chengdu and when we reach Nyingchi.

Just visited a temple and lunch-ed. Now is our free time. But its actually time for us to rest before we go out to have dinner later.

Nothing much for today because we need some lead time to acclimatise. XD

First day: Chengdu 成都

5th June 2014, Thursday

Took a midnight flight and we reached Chengdu. Quite a relaxing day it was as our primary focus isn't Chengdu.

Nothing much; we visited 水井访白酒博物馆。Pretty interesting as we get to see the whole distillation process.

Then lunch. 成都四川省风味菜。

Relaxed a while. And we went out to the traditional shopping streets 锦里。I would say not bad. But not as fantastic compared to the last chengdu trip.

Then we had dinner. 药膳餐。Then we headed to watch traditional face change show. 变脸。It was the same theatre but the contents had slightly changed. Also, it wasn't the best one we had seen. Which in my impression was a very high class modernised theatre, and it was a magnificent show.

Then we rested for the day. ^^

Saturday, May 31, 2014

A little of my sky diving pictures!!

When I was in Gold Coast, Aussie, Mar 2012. 

Monday, May 26, 2014

The sad truths being the eldest daughter in an Asian family...

25th May 2014, Sunday

... is that the younger siblings will never ever be able to understand what it takes to be the eldest daughter in the family. Especially if you have a male sibling. The conventional thinking that sons are important in the family exists as parents are still from that era.

Now, I know a lot of younger ones, upon reading the first paragraph will be cursing, what the heck, wtf? But I will be straight up and honest right away. If you think its offensive and inappropriate,  you can choose not to read it. Im not stopping you.

Right from our younger days, as the eldest daughter in the family, we are told to behave in our best manner, do what we are told, set a good example for our siblings to follow. We did that, with no qualms. The younger ones tend to get more defiant during their puberty days, and yet they get away. We want to get defiant, but the answers we get from our parents are do you want to let down your parents? That social norm that eldest have to behave in their best is scary. Please note that I didn't even mention if there are comparisons among the siblings in the family.

And yet we think, probably things will get better when we get older. Sad fact, they don't. Finish our compulsory education, be it diploma or university education, we then graduate and start our working lives so as not to let our parents down. If you have siblings, be it a younger sister or, especially a younger brother in the family, u know perhaps among yourselves you guys may have talked about how to support our parents when they retire. That, is just talk. Don't ever think it will come true, or go your way. Especially if they are still single.

The society is changing. The roles of guys and ladies are changing. MALES nowadays, pa pa zao. Olden saying goes 生儿养老 生女烦恼. Nowadays its the opposite 生女养老 生儿烦恼. 生儿觉得儿子将来会感激你的养育之恩吗? 会在你老的时候照顾你吗? 等久久。 你真的疼错孩子了,趁你现在还年轻,能活动脑子,赶快把你的注意力放在您的女儿吧。一句问题,很简单的。看看你家里四处吧,看看厨房,家里的电视机,微波炉,热水壶,电饭锅,电冰箱,洗衣机,或许饭桌,家里翻新,都是谁处理的。家里有大女儿的话,很难不会猜到就是大女儿给买来的。

我,还没有继续说。我为什么说男人有了女朋友就pa pa zao. Guys nowadays are more prone to the feminine side. Once they are attached, they listen fully to their girlfriends or partners, even going ahead to move into their girlfriend's house and live with his in-laws. 这种例子非常多。Once they move in, 这句话很决 但是 就当作你已经失去一个儿子了吧。别想说您儿子会经常慰问你。别盼望他每个月的家用会给得多,现在的他还得付家翁家婆那边每个月的费用,哪来额外的钱给你? 别指望他会带你们出国散心,额外的开销,休想了吧。他,总是听女方的话,觉得他会听你的吗? 10句的一句吧。 现在养儿子,是养来给别人做儿子的咯,您不知道吗? 男孩一周只回来一次,说什么这样不行,那样不可以,老实说,你又没在家待着,凭什么说啥? 说什么妈妈就老是放在心上。这里也问一句话,儿子爱吃什么妈妈们都知道吧,那女儿们爱吃什么您可否知道吗?

做家中的大女儿,毕业后尽快找工作,分担家中的负担。妈妈说家里的什么什么坏了,需要换新的,需要修一修,女儿听了立马隔天把事情解决好。说结婚的结婚,还没结婚的,继续和父母一块住。结婚的,通常都会好过些,因为毕竟分开了,摩擦少,会拉近家庭关系。目前还没的,就得默默承受和屈服在儒家思想女儿的位置。

长大了,在每个家庭里,肯定会提到钱的话题。现在的家庭都没以前大,家中孩子多数两三个,最多到五个。五个当中,有几个男,几个女呢。父母又是怎么如何看待男和女的呢。别惊讶了, 如今父母都还是很重视男,纵容男,最终财产还是归男。钱多话最大,如今女生賺的还比男生多。父母发生什么事,女儿总是第一时间赶到。但父母确实纵容男,最总临死前遗嘱也归给男。会很无语的。但又如何? 屈服于身为女儿。

做大女儿是很辛苦的。如果能够读到这里的各位弟弟妹妹们,请你们多多照顾你们的爸爸妈妈,帮忙分担大姐的负担吧。

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Homemade Thai sticky rice

17th May 2014, Saturday

My mum first attempt of thai sticky rice.

Sleepless nights

24th May 2014, Saturday

Recently I haven't been able to sleep well.

I had made my final decision and I told my manager thay I would not be continuing when my contract with the company ends.

Don't look back after making the decision. Was what my friend said and I agreed with her.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Social gathering meet up

18th May 2014, Sunday

Omg omg omg . I can't believe I did it.

I organised a social gathering for my friends. It was a meet up about 12 friends, from different areas and industries. But mostly was related to korean language.

It all seemed too magical to me. From just vague talks with Chenyan spurred a series of contacting friends up and asking if they would be interested to join the gathering, to crystallising the venue and date.

No doubt I had once again challenged myself. I'm very shy when coming to such things, I wouldn't know who to call. In the end surprisingly the friends I had called up agreed without hesitation. I am really grateful. And everyone turned out to be so sociable with each other. Im really thankful.

Friends who turned up were Daniela (from ecuador, thanks for coming!) Jackie (thankssss so much for coming toooo I didn't know you just went for reservist and just returned on friday night only!) Lis and her friend Linda, Benjamin (luckily it was quite okay for him and he didn't feel left out, he is a very shy person), Chenyan and her three friends, adam and his friend xiu ming.

Frankly speaking I felt stressed the moment I woke up on sunday morning. I am quite worried about how it would turn out, whether my friends can mingle together, etc. All are my good friends and I hope that they can get along well as well.

Plus I was worried if the food will be sufficient and enough. It seems that I was the only one worrying.

The objective is to widen our social circle and make more friends. I hope I did reasonably okay and made my friends comfortable with each other.

Didn't take any photos as I thought maybe its not very polite to take one when its everyone first gathering.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

일이 정말...

15th May 2014, Thursday

일.. 왔다 갔다 왔다갔다 하는 느낌이..

정말 싫다. 이렇게 알면서도 진짜 싫어해.

나 한테는 정말 못 참아.

내 성격이 안 어울려. 

이런 왔다갔다 느낌이 정말.. 끝이 없구나.

근데.. 어쩔 수 없이 ... 나 끝까지 가도록 참자.

지기는 진짜 싫다.

After reading Clara's blog. Makes me wanna head to another country now and blog about that country. In holiday mood. And not studying. Yes I am not in a korea fever mood. Hahahahaha. Im long out of it already. Even before I went to korea for language study.

I wanna blog about the holidays I had been!!!

There are just so many ends to be tied up and to be honest I am getting a little sick of it. Because its just not my personality to do that I know it myself. But yet having picked up this job I know I have a lot of stuff in this company to clear up. This us what happens when a company is too big.

Guess. Its really the jobs I am not satisfied with.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Friday, May 9, 2014

Don't take things for granted

9th May 2014, Sunday

Its another friday.

I used to think the pantry at my previous employment isn't very well equipped. . Until my current employment.

Back then, it was fully stocked up of milo, nescafe gold coffee glass bar, sugar, creamer, green tea sachets, chinese tea sachets, English tea sachets, and even custom made coffee powder.

Until now.. current pantry is only filled up with... HOT WATER. Nothing else.

Well, enjoy while it lasted.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Recharge... 충전을 필요해

8th May 2014, Thursday

I need a book. And my coffee. Good short half an hour recharge. Tomorrow is friday!!!!! YES. I'm going to have another weekend getaway!

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

A good lunch to keep working

Just keep working on. My good-yet-not-so-good-in-the-end lunch at Astons. DX

I wanna eat a good pasta.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Asset audit check

5th May 2014, Monday

I am really just looking forward for the physical inventory asset audit check to end soon. I don't want to write awful expressions on my pretty blog :-:

They say one will get stronger after overcoming certain obstacle. After overcoming it, it will seem nothing afterall.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Korean language graduation trip video in June 2013

Hehe, I made this video when we graduated from Yonsei language institute in Sept 2013. We went for our graduation trip during the beginning of the semester and it was really confusing why they would want to plan it this way. Then it dawned on us that students might actually fail the level, thus it would not be that enjoyable for everyone if its planned at the end of the semester. So its kind of better to plan it like two or three weeks when the semester starts.

There we went to Dong hae on the first day and subsequently went to Mt seorak on the second day. I was just only taking pictures here and there. Then one classmate was taking videos and said she liked to take videos as it captures moments. Then i just commented that if she is willing to take videos, I would be willing to convert into a video at the end of the semester and we all shall watch it on our graduation day together. And I really never expected this comment of mine would crystallize. To be honest, its actually easy to just make it say say. But to say it out somehow, deep inside me I kind of know that I am probably capable of doing it. And I just want to challenge myself. Furthermore I do not want to regret my life when I know I can do it. So I really went ahead with the project.

Way towards the end, and when everyone were notified that they had passed the exams and were eligible for graduation, I started to ask for videos from Jessica. I spent about three days creating the video, and made myself so busy. Staying overnight at Yonsei Library, and then arranging for the venue; omg I was really so tired. There were regrets here and there, like how I didn't manage well, I wanted my family and my friends Karen and her friend to view the video together. Alas, I sent them away in a rush. But oh wells, I am already so grateful that my father and my brother were able to come to Korea last minute. It was also last minute that they could come, and they were also pondering whether to come.I saw scoot promos that it was cheap to fly over on that morning, and OMG they really flew over. Guess sometimes we don't really want regrets to happen, plus I rented that hanbok, I would definitely want to share the joy with my family members. I just couldn't ask for more. I'm already feeling so happy that they are here. There is no such thing as perfectness. Even a wedding, you can't expect everything to go perfectly well. Every bride would have their own small regrets despite of how perfect they want it to be.

I.. am just proud that I did it. I made it through. Enjoy the graduation movie that I had done for my level six class. XD

A birthday video I did for Rie, my japanese friend

Lovely memories in South Korea when I was there for Korean language education in year 2013. I created this video just one day before her birthday. I recorded well wishes from her friends the day before and I spent one night to configure the whole video clip using windows movie maker. Relatively easy to create the movie clip, but just have to be careful when we publish the output.

Short 24 secs video clip using snap movie (road movie) app - android

I had been very intrigued ever since my japanese friend had introduced to me the short 24 secs video clip. First created by Honda, whose initial purpose was to let people film road trips, it evolve into millions of people in Japan and Korea filming whatever their want. It became a very creative app as it is very easy to use and the effects were very creative.

Unfortunately I only got to know it when my exchange trip was nearing the end. I thought I would be able to download it back in Singapore, alas it was only downloadable in Japan and Korea, via Apple Korea. Tried my means to download it but it was unavailable in Singapore, or rather anywhere outside Korea and Japan. Not sure if its ok to download in the states.

Luckily over at android, another app was created. Its called Snap movie. Similar effects, but perhaps not as original and pretty as the Road Movie app that Honda has created. But I'm satisfied. Because no matter what I am able to create these 24 secs really nice clips!! Its short, yet just the right amount of time that we need so we won't feel bored after that. I've made two this morning. The one with Wen Hua's baby is shoooo cuteeeeeee. XD Enjoy. =D



CAN cafe @ Yaley House, Serangoon, sg

4th May 2014, Saturday

Today I went to find Chenyan. Before that I went to wheelock place to collect my ipad mini from the service centre. Gosh I didn't use much and it spoilt! Luckily it spoilt before the warranty period is gonna expire (expiring in a month's time oops) so I was able to exchange for another new one. Hopefully it won't spoil again. I will protect youuuuuuuu my dear ipad mini.

So off I went to find her in serangoon. Then I notice the cafe which is situated on the first storey.. So I asked her shall we have coffee at her house downstairs?

Food is not fantastic. So don't expect. But its homely cooked food. Quite okay. However the atmosphere is. Awwwwesomeeeee. I had a lovely afternoon there. Very homely atmosphere. And its so comfortable!! I have definitely locked up this place as my future studying place.

Beer is cheap!!! Good to chill out. Their sofas are so comfortable. I totally let lose myself there. Haha no etiquette anymore. Its like home! Vintage. The bosses are so nice! To be honest, if you are going for food, its not the place. I have to emphasise its the atmosphere.

Good food cafes you wanna chill there but they are rather noisy. You can't stay there for long.

I'm already dying to head there for the second time. Omg I can just read a book there. We must go there and study together chenyan!! I found a good cafe to study or chill finally!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

In comparison when I reached yishun and saw so many students mugging their heads away in the awfully noisy starbucks, I thought of CAN cafe, and I'm in bliss. I won't have worries when I need to mug anymore! !! Chenyan u lucky girl!! Get to have such a good cafe in close proximity; house downstairs..... *@/@$@#$6!*$ ._.

Friday, May 2, 2014

A cuppa coffee bean

T.g.i.f.
Finally. A space to chill during lunch. cappuccinos time. 
I really love coffee bean's coffees. 
Love their cappucchinos.

Artistry cafe @ Bugis

1st May 2014, Thursday

Today is Labour day! Met up with Melissa dearie to have brunch and celebrate her belated birthday.

A red velvet piece of cake.

Healthy seeds - Chia seeds?

2nd May 2014, Friday

Today is a friday!! Its actually a day to go out but I'm heading back home to rest.

I tried chia seeds! Bought apple juice and poured the seeds in. Not bad.

But just dont eat the black seeds cos they kind of gives the foul oil taste in your mouth. Hehe.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Post pictures of Yoga Retreat @ Bintan

18th Apr to 20th Apr 2014, Fri to Sun

Let pictures do the talking!

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

丛刊回国了

30th Apr 2014, Wednesday

오늘은 내 친한 친구가 한국에서 중국으로 귀국한다. 왠지 슬슬하다. 설랜다. 나까지 연락해줘서 고맙고. 여전히 우정이 좋다.

진짜 친해 우리가. 총간아 잘 돌아가. 늘 건강하길 바래!

Monday, April 28, 2014

I think .. I saw him.

28th Apr 2014, Monday

Just watched Transcendence, this movie. Not too impressed I must say. Somehow, I even thought that was scary.

The movie ended with a flat climax. Everyone started to leave the cinema. And a guy in front of me stood up.

I think I saw him. He turned slightly to the left. Face slightly to the left but I still couldn't see him well. And he walked down the stairs without turning back.

Its surprising that he came alone. Or rather, seemed to come alone. Why. He had loads of friends isn't it. He had a gf too, isn't it. The people beside him also doesn't seem to be the people he knew.

I know. What's in the past is in the past. I am not looking back either. I would assume why and my head will start to spin a thousand of reasons why he would want to watch this show. Connect and disconnect.

But likewise, it wouldn't be him. It is my imagination. But he came after work. He wore a white collared shirt and black pants. Along with a briefcase I suspected because I couldn't see it. If he is really the man, he would have spotted me because he is alone. If not he wouldn't have tilted his head slightly to the left before leaving.

If its him, I think he knows. If not, I am still the same. I can feel, I have moved on. More wanting to keep a friend. If. If, you are happen to come across this blog (which I think you won't,  because you have disconnected), I really hope we are still friends and greet each other on the street. I am able to do that now. Forgive me for not being able to do that in the past.

And I know we probably would. One day. 有缘的话。我相信,还有机会。

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Sad friend I am.

22th Apr 2014, Tuesday

Today officially, in my heart I cancelled off a friend in my friend list. She just broke my heart. Tore off my heart.

Sometimes jokingly, you would test your friend and get some answers. Some are really warm. Some are really heartless.

She? Belongs to the heartless. I knew her character from the start. She gave me so much stress initially (she literally uses her words to force me instead of understanding me) but after I understood her style I bit her back with force. I was just wondering how long we could last. It became a pull and push relationship. Hate and love relationship. Surprisingly we lasted until I relocated back to singapore. But just now the messages flowing here and there just tore my heart.

She even called me when I was in the mrt. I half jokingly asked her I would find her in beijing when she is there and asked her for her reassurance. She says no man. She has to see her man. If I wanna do sightseeing she obviously can't go with me. And something even more. She says if I could even risk my safety to meet her then fine go ahead. Its also because she worry about my safety. What the shit. Not that I bother anyways.

It was the last one that left me speechless. She is way beyond help. I think she knows it herself but she is not willing to apologise. Her pride is way too much for her to bear.

But likewise for me. No matter how much you try to explain yourself, I see through you. I see your heart. I felt it. Its cold.

You tried to explain yourself that you don't want me to feel disappointed. You always try to come up with a reason to justify your reason. Really? As a true friend, don't even need to explain. Even if its a yes, it will just make me feel good. Even if its a yes, and in the end you told me you won't be able to meet me in beijing, I will be fine too. Why? You exert your positive force in wanting to meet me (at least, or even if you fake it).

First already a downright no. Im not hurt by whether I can't meet you in beijing literally. But the fact that I thought we were good friends and I thought perhaps I could tease you to meet me during my trip just hurts me.

Just a small test. And u know. No matter how she justify and say there are a lot of friends who misunderstands her. So does it mean that people have to accomodate her? And accomodate her everytime? Its a no no for me. It must be a two way traffic.

All in all, so much so. I have tried my best and unfortunately this has to be the last straw. She said some things can't be joked. I would say the same thing to her too. Some things really can't be joked. I am disappointed but I tried to joked it off. You should be able to realise it but you didn't. I am hurt by you. I understand your point of view and I forgive you. Overtime I will forget it but I definitely know how much you as a person are, and how much I really should care less for.