Sad friend I am.

22th Apr 2014, Tuesday

Today officially, in my heart I cancelled off a friend in my friend list. She just broke my heart. Tore off my heart.

Sometimes jokingly, you would test your friend and get some answers. Some are really warm. Some are really heartless.

She? Belongs to the heartless. I knew her character from the start. She gave me so much stress initially (she literally uses her words to force me instead of understanding me) but after I understood her style I bit her back with force. I was just wondering how long we could last. It became a pull and push relationship. Hate and love relationship. Surprisingly we lasted until I relocated back to singapore. But just now the messages flowing here and there just tore my heart.

She even called me when I was in the mrt. I half jokingly asked her I would find her in beijing when she is there and asked her for her reassurance. She says no man. She has to see her man. If I wanna do sightseeing she obviously can't go with me. And something even more. She says if I could even risk my safety to meet her then fine go ahead. Its also because she worry about my safety. What the shit. Not that I bother anyways.

It was the last one that left me speechless. She is way beyond help. I think she knows it herself but she is not willing to apologise. Her pride is way too much for her to bear.

But likewise for me. No matter how much you try to explain yourself, I see through you. I see your heart. I felt it. Its cold.

You tried to explain yourself that you don't want me to feel disappointed. You always try to come up with a reason to justify your reason. Really? As a true friend, don't even need to explain. Even if its a yes, it will just make me feel good. Even if its a yes, and in the end you told me you won't be able to meet me in beijing, I will be fine too. Why? You exert your positive force in wanting to meet me (at least, or even if you fake it).

First already a downright no. Im not hurt by whether I can't meet you in beijing literally. But the fact that I thought we were good friends and I thought perhaps I could tease you to meet me during my trip just hurts me.

Just a small test. And u know. No matter how she justify and say there are a lot of friends who misunderstands her. So does it mean that people have to accomodate her? And accomodate her everytime? Its a no no for me. It must be a two way traffic.

All in all, so much so. I have tried my best and unfortunately this has to be the last straw. She said some things can't be joked. I would say the same thing to her too. Some things really can't be joked. I am disappointed but I tried to joked it off. You should be able to realise it but you didn't. I am hurt by you. I understand your point of view and I forgive you. Overtime I will forget it but I definitely know how much you as a person are, and how much I really should care less for.